normal-horoscopes:

Aries: Stalking the aisles upstairs and clotheslining unaware guests. There are signs warning you about them. 

Taurus: Teaching several small children about phonics. They know nothing about phonics, they thought the seminar was about phones.

Gemini: At the best part of their book, they weep loudly.

Cancer: Drunk.

Leo: Hoarded several snacks and pillows under a worktable and now lies in their nest reading something. Security attempts to dislodge them despite the fact that they really are not bothering anyone.

Virgo: Conducting an impromptu erotica table reading/workshop.

Libra: Attending the weekly watercolor classes to show those 4th graders who’s boss.

Scorpio: Currently engrossed in “An Illustrated Guide to the Plants of New England”. They think its a manga.

Ophiuchus: Dueling, but quietly as not to disturb the other patrons.

Sagittarius: Running the illegal black market library from the bathroom.

Capricorn: Proudly wielding the book club.

Aquarius: In the middle of solving the library labyrinth. They are stuck on the marble puzzle in the clock tower.

Pisces: Impersonating a librarian to lead patrons astray.