Reblogging because I WISH I HAD FUCKING KNOWN ABOUT THIS IN HIGH SCHOOL YEARS AGO!
Dear sick Kitties,
Please save this to your computer because one day you might be well enough to work in some capacity and it’s unfair for you to have blank spots on your resume/CV.
You have worth and validity even if you don’t have a huge work history. YOU have value.
This is mostly really good, but I have a couple minor disagreements. So…here are three recommendations from an HR person who reads a shitton of resumes every day:
Move the skills section up to the top! You know what I give a fuck about the most when I’m reading a resume (at least for entry-level positions)? WHAT YOU CAN DO. I frankly don’t give a shit where you learned it. Tell me what you’re capable of in concrete terms, organized in a bullet-points list or table that I can quickly scan to see if you even stand a chance of matching what we need, because that is all I’m doing in those critical first couple of seconds that decides whether I even bother looking at the rest of the resume. (Which I get sounds kinda callous but when I have to get through a couple dozen resumes, meaning download, open, read, decide what to do, forward it to the appropriate person if it makes the cut with my comments/summary/recommendations, file it appropriately and go on to the next one, and get back to my other duties and responsibilities – which I don’t have enough hours in the day for as it is – I can’t afford to depth-read every single resume that hits my inbox.)
Include volunteer experience as work experience if you have any. Running the concession stand at a high school club event of some kind counts as cash handling and customer service experience. Making blog themes for your friends counts as web design experience. Just because you weren’t getting paid doesn’t mean it wasn’t work experience you can potentially leverage to get actual paying work.
Rework that top statement – in its current form it’s looking like some odd hybrid of an executive summary (good!) and an objective statement (bad!), and I’m not sure how I feel about it tbh. I think it’s the “leveraging…to positively contribute” bit that is pushing all my “ugh no fucking shit sherlock” buttons. Like…what were you going to say, that you want to skate along doing the bare minimum amount of work and you don’t give a shit about the organization’s goals? I see way too many regurgitated statements like that – “positively contribute” and “maximize success” and “utilize my skills to further goals” etc. – and they just make my eyes roll out of my head at this point because they’re so generically corporate. I’d rather see a declarative statement about what you are and what you can do, than what you want.
However, huge massive bonus points for putting language fluency right there at the top where I don’t have to go hunting for it – language skills are ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS A PLUS and you want to highlight that shit as hard as you can. Shove that language fluency in my fucking face, PLEASE. Better that than having to scour your work history for mention of translation or anything like that, which I will only do if I’m A: already liking your qualifications so far, and B: totally fucking desperate for someone who speaks goddamn Spanish already.
That is private, personal, highly secret information.
Native religions are appropriated almost every time they let one piece of information slip to outsiders. As a result of being burned over and over and over again, tribes have become even more closed than they were previously.
Not only does it vary by tribe (we had no overreaching religion, so even your limitation of “plains” is far too general to even begin answering), it can vary by family, and it can vary right down to the individual.
Do not ask how we worship. We, collectively, have decided not to open up our worship, because as soon as outsiders are introduced, they steal. They write about things we tell them not to write about. They push beyond our clearly set boundaries.
On top of it, our relationships with our deities are highly personal. You will get as many answers as there are Native individuals.
If you want to show worship in your novels, skim over the barest of details that we have chosen to make public. Ask an individual tribe “what rituals are you comfortable being written about?” Only write about what they are comfortable being written. Let them know how far you plan on spreading the story, as their comfort level might change how large the audience is (ie- “I’m showing my group of friends” vs “I’m going to publish this”)
Do not ask how we worship.
That is not for you to know.
~ Mod Lesya
In relation to this question, what are your thoughts on books such as Kathleen O’Neal Gear and W. Michael Gear’s First North Americans series (People of the Wolf, etc.) Since the series tends to generalize in terms of religion (it covers tens of thousands of years and yet every featured tribe has a more-or-less similar belief system) do you think this series should be considered fantasy or alternate history as opposed to reconstructed history in terms of its portrayal of Native peoples?
I ask because I used to consider this a good model for writing about Native peoples (since both writers are archeologists and well versed in history), but now I’m not so sure.
It depends on a few things. Anthropologists’ accounts and archeologists’ accounts are often more credible, but they’re also not guaranteed to be safe. In fact, they can provide some of the worst violations of privacy for a tribe, or be some of the most colonialist-imposing fields out there. An important note is the archeology is a subset of anthropology, so I’m going to be talking about anthropology as a whole.
Also, I haven’t read the books and am going off the wikipedia summary.
My biggest question is: were the tribes populating the area actually asked for detailed oral histories, or was everything pieced together and the data sampled/ based on trends? A lack of oral history is a huge red flag since Indigenous oral histories around the world are exceptionally accurate. Sampling and trend-based data is another, since it really opens up a can of worms for making a whole bunch of educated assumptions instead of asking about details.
From a quick glance it seems that the data was heavily sampled based on colonizer views from purely archeological data without any oral history in sight, which… makes me question the validity. Because it seems to be our history without us.
I also am tilting my head at the “mystic” terms used, because they are very university-approved-speak. One of anthropology’s dirty little secrets is it’ll take one group’s practices and apply the name to all other groups’ practices because of superficial similarities— shaman, for example, is a Northeast Asian word, likely Tungusic, that described Northeast Asian practices. It has now spread across most if not all Indigenous practices, and sometimes doesn’t reflect accurately. Totem was another word, taken from Ojibwe and spread across anything that involved animal associations.
My impression of the books is basically a bunch of academics trying to make sense of Indigenous peoples based off fossil records, which is actually a huge problem in academia. Instead of treating our oral histories as valid, instead of asking us how our cultures have evolved over time, they’re treating us like we’re already dead and gone. Or that we can’t have any idea where we came from.
Another thing to keep in mind for anthropological records: sometimes they spread out secret rituals far wider than we ever intended. A Quebec Cree person once showed an image of a sacred Cree ritual, and prefaced it with “I am only showing you this because the person who took the image has already violated this man.” The image was supposed to only go to a small group. It ended up internationally published. That image is why I put in a note in the original ask that you need to say how far the story will be spread before asking about comfort levels. Not saying that happened with these books, but I am saying it does happen.
Calling these books “alternate history” discredits them, but “reconstructed history” is inaccurate as well— from the looks of things, they’re not so much alternate history as they are hollow reconstructed history, because it’s taken based on what colonizers know instead of asking us. It’s not Native American history in the purest sense. It’s a colonizer’s view of our history.
This is why I am very much in love with America Unearthed. Oral history is treated as valid, and whenever possible he either talks to the tribe directly, or makes note of their oral history. He’s done it for a possible Hawai’in contact with Mexico, the Aztecs coming from the Mississippian region, and a whole bunch of other groups.
But in general I distrust anything that is our history without us. We’re more than fossil records. Our history doesn’t have to be “reconstructed” in all cases. We know where we came from the vast majority of the time. If you want to know, just ask.
~ Mod Lesya
-Raises hand- If I may add, something else important to note is that there are tribes who will absolutely not discuss this type of thing through technological means. This means anything from a computer to a phone. I don’t know how far this spreads, but at least among the local tribes in my region, talking about culturally sensitive information, practices, the ‘mystic stuff’ through technological means is absolutely not done. I’ve been chastised by more than one elder for even alluding to something via text message. So if you’re finding your information online, be critical.
Yeah, these sorts of restrictions are in place among various tribes. They can also include no photography, no publishing, or other distribution limits.
Many, many, many Natives have pointed out (across various posts) that there’s a far more solid sense of ownership of stories and legends among tribes, so you can’t even distribute something if you were told it unless you have permission to tell it secondhand.
You should be critical of anything found online because of the aforementioned appropriation by new age movements I alluded to in the first post. This is why you should go directly to the tribe in question.
(I mean, nobody’s gonna misunderstand you if you say “KEE-ah OR-ah”, but you will 100% sound like an American/Australian/older or not trying very hard Pākehā.)
Realistic Stuttering: “Sorry, I uh… I didn’t mean- I didn’t mean to do that…”
When people stutter, they usually reword what they’re saying as they speak, and subconsciously insert “filler words” such as “uh, like, you know,” and etc.
*puts on speech therapist hat*
ACTUALLY! It depends on why they are stuttering.
A Nervous Stutter results in what is called Mazing, or rewording the sentence. That is the classic “I, um… well I… look it’s just that… so we…” that @hellishhues is talking about. When someone is mazing their words you’re seeing a form of Speech Apraxia where the brain is having trouble forming verbal speech. This can be brought on by brain damage, memory loss, anxiety, nerves, and several other things.
The root cause of a nervous stutter is a disconnect between the mouth and the brain.
With this you will also sometimes see the classic “S-s-s-sorry…” especially if the person has been training to speak clearly and is now at a point of fatigue or stress where they are not mentally capable of forming the words.
The other kind of stutter is a Physical Stutter, sometimes referred to as slurring, and another facet of Speech Apraxia. This stutter is caused when the muscles of the mouth, tongue, and throat are physically unable to form certain sounds. This is most often seen in the very young and victims of brain trauma.
Sounds are acquired at different ages, so a 2-year-old will probably not be able to clearly pronounce certain words (which is why toddler sound so off when they’re written with developed dialogue). These mis-pronunciations are sometimes referred to as lisping, but only if the sounds are run together. If the person starts and restarts the sound because they got it wrong, it can also sound like the classic sound stutter.
But it all depends on why the character is stuttering!
Do they have Speech Apraxia, Audio Processing Disorder, muscle dysfunction, or another medical reason to stutter? (1)
Are they stuttering because of anxiety, stress, or fatigue? (2)
Does the stutter stem from intoxication or blood loss? (3)
All of those will sound different!
1 – Will have mazing, repeated sound stutters, and be the classic stutter that annoys OP.
2 – This is where you’ll see the repetition stutter, mazing, rephrasing, and filler words.
3 – This is where you are more likely to see starts and stops and slurring of words.
My mum has apraxia and I just wanted to say that’s one of the most concise and clear ways I’ve seen it explained, thank you!
some people on insta said i should post my workout routine since i mentioned how im so happy with the results, so here’s my little workout guide for my fellow trans folk! I focused on getting a more masculine body because obviously that’s what I want. I’m so happy with the results, this workout is saving my fucking life!!!! I can’t get on T soon so this has really been keeping my dysphoria in check. I barely get body dysphoria, i love how my clothes looks on me, i love feeling confident for once in my life!!! HOWEVER Don’t go overboard with working out my friends. Do not work out in a binder, you MUST take days off to let your muscles heal, and you CAN’T starve yourself! Fitness is all about health and diet! Take care of yourself. This is also MY workout routine, you may not get the same results as I have! Every body is different.
I wrote this up in response to another post but it really should have its own post here on my blog. The topic? Sex scenes involving trans guys, how to write them, and how not to write them.
There’s been a lot of trans male headcanons popping up in fandoms lately. And that’s awesome! As a trans guy myself, I love seeing trans headcanons by both cis and trans people! And there’s been a lot of fics & art involving trans dudes having sex popping up lately. And that’s awesome too! Hell yeah we can get down and do the do! Unfortunately… many of these headcanons, art pieces, & fics don’t portray trans guys, their bodies, and their sex lives accurately. And that’s… not so awesome. There’s some pretty icky stereotypes and commonalities going around. So I’m here to shed a little light on trans men and how we get down.
First, I’d like to start by saying this content is of a mature nature, please exercise reader discretion before deciding to read it and follow your local laws & restrictions regarding such content.
Second, I’d like to note that my ask box is always open to questions if anybody wants to fact-check their trans fic with an actual trans dude. I’m more than willing to help educate.
Now, on to the lesson!
InterdictedKai’s Guide To Writing Trans Men Having Sex:
SEXUAL ORIENTATION: Trans guys come in all sexual orientations.
If a trans man is having sex with a man, whether that man is cis or trans, that is gay sex. They’re both men. Having gay sex.
If a trans man is having sex with a woman, whether that woman is cis or trans, that is straight sex.
It’s a man and a woman. That’s straight sex.
Trans guys can most often
be found fucking: gay men, bi/pan men, straight women, & bi/pan
women. In other words: People who are attracted to men.
TERMINOLOGY: My number one issue with people who aren’t trans guys (eg: cis, nb, etc) writing about trans guys having sex is the words they use. Topping the chart: CALL IT A DICK, NOT A CLIT. Seriously.
Up top: The most standard term for talking
about a trans guy’s chest is ‘chest’. A lot of pre-op & no-op trans guys are
really not okay with having the lumps on their chest called ‘breasts’.
So if you’re writing about trans men getting some action on
their torso, you’re better off talking about his chest and nipples than his breasts
and nipples.
The pole:It’s a dick. It might be a small dick but almost universally every
trans guy I’ve met calls it a dick or cock and either dislikes or is actively squicked by it being called a clit. I’ve had so many
conversations with other trans guys where we salt about seeing cis
people writing trans guys in fic & calling it a clit. Sure, there are exceptions,
trans guys who use the word clit, but there’s also gay men who use the
f-slur to describe themselves. That’s a personal use. It’s not the standard. It’s not the
common term. It’s not okay if you’re someone who isn’t a trans dudewriting about a trans
dude having sex. It doesn’t matter if you’re cis, nb, or any other identity, call it a dick. It’s a dick. Call it a dick. It doesn’t
matter if they’re pre-T, on T, or if they’ve had some sort of genital
surgery. It’s a dick any which way. He is a man. He has a penis.
The hole: There is no standard term
for what a trans guy is probably gonna call the hole he’s got in front.
I know guys using: Cunt, vagina, pussy, front hole, front door, boy
hole, bonus hole, and so on. Personally, I like cunt, it’s gritty and abrasive and feels the most ‘masculine’ to me personally.
That said, whatever term you use, try to be respectful in using it and
understand that not all trans guys want sex to involve that body part.
TO REPEAT: DO NOT CALL A TRANS DUDE’S DICK A CLIT.
COMING OUT: Coming out as trans is usually scary. Coming out as trans can be dangerous.
Trans guys who pass, meaning they are perceived as men by people they meet, will at some point have to come out to romantic and/or sexual partner(s).
Usually these conversations will take place well before anything gets hot and heavy but sometimes things get a little carried out of hand and things need to pause so they can talk.
The last place most trans guys want to be when disclosing they’re trans
is in the bedroom with someone’s hand down their pants as an “oh, by
the way”. There have been many of cases of trans guys getting attacked in these situations if their partner freaks out over it. General rule? Don’t write your coming out scene as happening in the bedroom.
BODY BOUNDARIES: Trans people in general have a different relationship to their body from cis people by virtue of being trans. So since we’re focused on trans guys, let’s get into that.
Not all trans guys have sex the same way. Not all trans guys are okay
with using some or all of the body parts they have during sex. We each
have different body boundaries.
I know guys who won’t get
shirtless, guys who won’t take off their binder, and guys who strip shirtless without worry. I know guys who don’t want their chest touched
and guys who are really into receiving nipple play.
I know guys who love getting
blowjobs and guys who don’t want a mouth down there.
I know guys who
don’t want their cunt touched, guys who are okay with only fingers in there, and guys who are all about taking things
in the front door.
I know guys who don’t want any penetrative sex, guys who don’t care where you put it, guys who only want it in the front, guys who don’t want anything in their ass, and
guys who are fine as long as it’s only going in their ass.
I know guys who exclusively top, never bottom, and have gorgeous collections of
strap-ons to fuck their partner(s). Yes, that’s right, trans men can top!
These are just some examples and there’s no standard. Every trans man
will have different body boundaries that they need to discuss with their partner(s).
BODY CHANGES: The body changes a lot on testosterone. So let’s get into some of those changes.
CHEST: Chest fat does lessen on testosterone, but not usually by much. That said, they do become a lot more limp due to binding over the years. Binding makes
breast tissue basically wilt, break down, and go floppy. If a trans guy binds, his chest fat will become more limp over time. Easier to compress flatter, but also deteriorates skin quality for future surgery.
BODY HAIR:Holy hairy nipples, batman! Trans guys often get chest hair, just like cis guys. I’ve never once seen a fic talk
about a
trans guy’s chest hair. Trans guys also get happy trails, facial hair, thicker
hair on our legs and arms, etc, and generally develop average male body & facial hair patterns.
DICK: This is one of the most noticeable changes on T, and also the fastest. Most guys begin to notice their dick starting to grow within a few weeks of starting T. Most grow to around 1″-2″ when erect. There are many cases of guys getting as much as 3″ but these should be considered outliers and not average. It’s the trans dude equivalent of a cis dude with a 10″ dick: possible but uncommon. Wait, erect? Yep! It gets erect. You can definitely see when a trans guy has a boner if you’re looking at his dick! You can also notice that it has a foreskin just like an uncut penis! The labia may also become more coarse and similar in texture to a cis guy’s balls.
FLUIDS: Not all trans guys get dry downstairs on T. Some do. But I know a lot of guys who’ve gotten a lot more wet
since starting T. It happens a lot. It’s a 50/50 shot, really.
Bodies are weird. There are some sloppy, messy, slick trans guys and
some trans guys who have to use lube daily so they don’t chafe or even
use an estrogen cream down there.
SMELL: On Testosterone, the smell of a trans guy’s junk changes. You get Man Musk™
within the first 6 months. Anyone who’s been near a cis guy’s dick
knows what I mean by that: that really sharp, earthy dick smell.
TASTE: After
about 6-8 months on testosterone, a trans guy’s fluids down there stop tasting like going down on a cis girl and they start tasting a hell of a lot more like a cis dude’s precum. It’s a hormone thing. So giving a trans dude who’s been on T for a while a blowjob is gonna smell & taste a lot more like blowing a guy with a really leaky dick than going down on a girl. Cause that’s exactly what’s going on.
ORGASMS: Orgasms also change on testosterone. Guys who could previously get multiple orgasms pre-T often can’t once they start testosterone. But they do usually report them being stronger and more intense.
HAVING SEX: Trans men definitely don’t have sex like cis
women. Because they’re not
cis women. They’re men. They’re just men with a slightly different tool
set in their tool belt.
Like I said under Body Boundaries, we use our
bodies to have sex in many varied ways. Blowjobs, handjobs,
rimming, vaginal fingering, anal fingering, vaginal sex, anal sex, I
could go on for ages.
If a trans guy is
taking a cis dude’s dick in his cunt, it’s still gay sex, not straight sex, and
needs to be treated as such.
SAFER SEX & PREGNANCY:
Trans guys can get STDs like any other guy and should use condoms
accordingly. Trans guys having risky or unprotected sex with cis men may
be prescribed PrEP, an HIV-prevention medication designed to lower the risk of contracting HIV.
Speaking of STDs, people can get gonorrhoea & chlamydia in their ass or throat via anal & oral sex. This will not show on a standard pee test. There are special swabs for the ass and throat. Most doctors do not routinely perform these tests. They really should. But, back to the point.
Some people think trans men can’t
get pregnant. This is a myth. Some men think trans men can’t be on birth control. This is a myth. These myths are dangerous.
Trans men who are having sex with cis men can get pregnant unless they’ve had a hysterectomy. The risk of pregnancy is decreased but not eliminated by T.
Trans men on T cannot get estrogen-based birth control but they can be on progesterone-only birth control. Most large trans-affirming health clinics will recommend this
for trans men who have sex with cis men. Generally, this comes in two
forms: a daily pill known as the ‘minipill’ or a 12-week injection known
as the ‘depo shot’.
MEDICAL PROCEDURES: There are many routes trans guys can take in terms of medically transitioning.
For most trans people, the first step is hormone replacement therapy (HRT). For trans guys, this involves Testosterone therapy. Testosterone is usually administered via injection every 1, 2, or 12 weeks, depending on which kind, or via a daily cream/gel. 1 & 2 week shots are self-administered while 12-week shots are done by a professional. Trans guys who come out as kids or young teens may be prescribed hormone blockers to prevent or halt puberty
until they can start T when they’re 15-18 (age varies with local laws
& doctor’s discretion).
Another step for trans guys is usually top surgery. Guys with tiny chests (small B or less) can get periareolar (’peri’) or keyhole surgery. This leaves only a tiny scar around the nipple. Guys with larger chests usually get a double incision
(’DI’) surgery which involves larger scars along the bottom of the pecs
and nipple grafts or, less commonly, an Inverted-T or T-anchor surgery
which involves the same scars under the pecs but an additional vertical
scar from there to the nipple while eliminating the need for nipple
grafts.
Trans guys usually get a total hysterectomy, removing the uterus, ovaries, cervix, and all the bits in between. A trans guy who has his ovaries removed must be on some form of hormone therapy (eg: testosterone) or else risks bone loss & osteoporosis.
Some trans guys may opt for genital surgery. These procedures and the reasons why some trans guys might or might not want
one surgery or another is a whole complicated topic in itself. But if
you’re curious, look into metoidioplasty (’meta/meto’) or phalloplasty
(’phallo’). Tread carefully.
So, I’ll wrap this up with my most important point, again: If you are anything other than a trans guy (eg: if you are cis, nb, etc), DO NOT CALL A TRANS DUDE’S DICK A CLIT. PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS SMUTTY, CALL IT A DICK.
And, as I said, anyone can feel free to message me if they have questions about writing trans guys having sex.
Tl;dr: Just be respectful and know your subject matter.
“I know guys who exclusively top, never bottom, and have gorgeous collections of strap-ons to fuck their partner(s). Yes, that’s right, trans men can top!”
i feel like fandom tends to forget this thing a bit too often =__=
I would though, say, with the dick thing it depends. I find it v uncomfortable for it to be referred as both, because I know it’s not a dick yet technically (but clit surely is dysphoria-triggering) and I know a dear MTF friend who didn’t want it to be called a “clit” until after bottom-surgery. So probably it can be a lot personal, also depending if the person plans a phalloplasty or not.If it’s writing, I would suggest to find synonyms that can be generic like arousal, length (afterall, it grows), and so on, or going by just the action, omitting the what or putting the name of the person. Twist the sentence, that can be a solution.
The partner doesn’t have to say “let me suck your cock”, it can be “let me suck you” and it’s still fine.
After all, in writing, you can be creative.
Not sure if it’s been pointed out before (there’s a lot of notes so I didn’t see all replies), so sorry if it was – this is really good advice from what I know but also very centered about trans men that haven’t had bottom surgery. Which is understandable, since a lot of fics on the topic seem to be about pre-op/non-op trans guys!
There are a lot of myth about surgery so if writing about I think one needs to do a significant amount of research. (I have a friend who is getting it soon so I basically got the 101 about it, but not sure how ok most people would be with being asked about it). I think speaking of writing erotica there are some things that might be of note about it:
1) it’s a myth that phalloplasty leaves no sensation and no erotic sensation. There are apparently a lot of techniques and at least some of them have a nerve hookup that allows the whole, let’s say, bigger dick to have sensation transferred like the smaller dick would. So it’s gonna feel like its own organ not like a strap on.
2) you can have surgery (I think either surgery, I know with meto for sure) and keep the hole if you wish, there is a bit more chance of complications (I think with urethral lenghtnening), but it’s possible. Some surgeons even allow to do that and construct balls too.
4) the main difference is that there is no way so far to make a dick with foreskin, and no sperm is produced. Not sure how the results look in real life since I’ve never been with someone post op, so can’t say if you can tell someone is trans from it or not. I’ve been told it’s noticeable so probably a post op trans guy would still want to come out before sex.
–
A thing I want to note about pre op genitals instead: you can very much give a bj to a trans man like you would to a cis man. The size is different but it works the same. Jerking it off also works a lot like for a cis man’s. A bit less sexy, but if it’s not cleaned properly it also builds up filth like a cis dick under the foreskin. Basically it’s not just courtesy, you treat it like a dick because it works like one.
“Wait, erect? Yep! It gets erect.You can definitely see when a trans guy has a boner if you’re looking at his dick!”
…Maybe this is butting in? But that tissue gets erections even if a person is not on HRT.
It’s just less obvious because 1) it’s usually much smaller than a cis guy’s penis and 2) society talks about holes/vaginas getting wet when aroused but not that tissue getting hard, because WE HAVE A GENDER BINARY TO UPHOLD HERE.
tora42's nonsensne 