Tag: deadpool 2

post dp2 post-credit scene au where wade and vanessa kidnap adopt russell following the tragic explosion at the mutant orphanage that kills all the staff but miraculously spares all the kids and they end up at the xavier institute or happily adopted/fostered

wade: *drags russell home to the apartment* “hey we wanna be parents and i found a kid in need of parenting! or supervision anyway cus let’s be real here, we’re parents in training, parents in progress, or something. also he sets things on fire it’s pretty sweet. so can we keep him?? :D?”

vanessa: “first of all where did you find a teenager” *to russell* hi sweetie, i’m vanessa and i promise we’re the mostly harmless kind of crazy people.”

wade: “she’s mostly harmless, anyway. kinda. with exceptions. totally valid exceptions. does this mean we can keep him?”

vanessa: “we’re gonna need a bigger apartment”

russell: “what the fuck”

Russel: Hey Wade, can I get some dating advice?
Wade: Just because I’m married to Vanessa and dating Colossus doesn’t mean I know how I did it. Oh, and fucking Cable. Or is he fucking me? Technically they’re all fucking me. Anyway there’s a lot of sex happening and it’s fuckin spectacular. Also talking. SO MUCH talking, which is super important for healthy relationships so write that down. Also lube. You can never too much lube…*Wade keeps talking*
Russel: *regrets everything*