I think one of the things people don’t get about autism (or, probably, disability in general) is that it’s highly contextual. I can handle certain clothes in the right environment, at the right time of the month, and with enough sleep. I can talk to unfamiliar people when I’m around someone whose social energy I can sort of feed off of. I can break routine or ask for help if I’m taking care of someone else. But all of these things have a cost, you know? So if the surrounding elements aren’t exactly what I need, my ability to do the thing (and appear neurotypical doing it) is reduced or eliminated.
yES THIS IS IT.
On the day I got rid of my last wool sweater I was having such a bad day. I was so angry and cranky and short and unreasonable and impatient and then I finally noticed somehow that my arm itched and I took off the sweater.
It is important to note that this sweater LOOKED fantastic. And I didn’t even parse it, consciously, as “scratchy”. I was not consciously aware that it had been bothering me. I actually loved this sweater.
But I took it off and suddenly I was at least 50% calmer. I had 50% more patience, I hated people 50% less, I could think better.
I have spent the last, like, six years learning to NOTICE when sensory processing hell is Fucking Me Over, so I can do something about it, instead of just … suffering all the consequences and not knowing why.
This is also the story of why I do not wear socks, or shoes that cover my instep and my toes at the same time, if it is humanly possible to avoid it, and would actually rather up to a point have cold/wet/sore feet.
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tora42's nonsensne 