Harry Potter Remake

inklingsquad:

In all likelihood, one day, there will be a remake of the Harry Potter Series. Just thinking that sentence makes my nose wrinkle and my insides twist uncomfortably; I have mixed feelings about this, but nevertheless I’ll be right there to watch it along with all of the other then fifty and sixty somethings that grew up on Harry Potter.

Maybe it wont be movies, maybe it’ll be a tv show.

Maybe it’ll be directed by someone who grew up reading the books under their bedcovers with a cheap plastic flashlight that you could hear the batteries clacking around inside, until the light started flickering at 2am. Someone who waited on their eleventh birthday with wide eyes searching the skies for their letter 

Maybe Harry will have green eyes and messy hair, and Hermione will have brown skin, buckteeth, and a big gorgeous afro that makes her tiny eleven year old self several inches taller.

Maybe Sirius will have a leather jacket, wear classic rock t-shirts, and be played by someone who is 35 

Maybe the wizards will all wear gorgeous robes, robes that are spangled and brightly colored along with strange and somehow alien hats. I mean, Cornelius Fudge in a lime green boulder hat? Dumbledore in purple boots? Tonks with shifting rainbow hair? Purebloods in intimidating, immaculately tailored robes with high collars and billowing overcoats or capes? How much fun could a costume department have? Maybe Harry Potter season 1 will get an emmy for costume design.

ok I’m done with the costume stuff wait no – PADMA AND PARVARTI PATIL DESERVED BETTER AT THE YULE BALL THAN THOSE UGLY ASS ORANGE AND PINK THINGS. THEY COULD’VE HAD GORGEOUS SARIS. I DON’T KNOW MUCH ABOUT INDIAN FASHION BUT I KNOW THAT IT’S BETTER THAN THOSE FLORESCENT POLYESTER BARGAIN BIN MONSTROSITIES 

Maybe Ginny will have time to become a well rounded and developed character in the remake, often seen hanging with Luna and Neville, hexing bullies, kicking ass at Quidditch, getting much better grades in potions than any Weasley should, loving small fluffy animals (her pygmy puff was named Arnold!), being comfortable in her sexuality and refusing to be slut shamed by anyone, least of all her big brothers, burning all her old diaries after Tom, growing up at Hogwarts with the specter of 16 year old Tom Riddle hanging over her after first year, leading the DA with Neville and Luna in her sixth year, whispering “fuck you Tom” whenever she does something to defy Voldemort’s reign

Maybe it can be addressed that Neville’s family dropped him out a goddamn window and pushed him off the Blackpool pier to prove he had magic and how incredibly damaging that was maybe we can address Harry’s abuse while we’re at it

Maybe the tv show will employ a couple of classics majors to research and create new spells to supplement the relative few we see in the books

Maybe they could build languages for the magical creatures like the Game of Thrones team did. Gobbledygook, anyone? Mermish? 

And MAYBE the actor playing Dumbledore will have the chance to calmly deliver the line: 

“Harry, did you put your name in the Goblet of Fiyah Fire?”