twistedingenue:

coffeebuddha:

sometimes i’m tempted to start a recipe blog, but then i remember that i’d basically be the ron swanson of bloggers:

• no one cares about your pretending-to-be-charming-but-actually-annoying-personal-stories
• oh, you saw a leaf today? whoop de fucking do. i can go outside and see as many leaves as i want. why the hell do you think that’s relevant to this recipe???
• i don’t care about your kids. there. i said it. someone had to
• here’s the recipe. make it or don’t, i couldn’t give a shit
• but if you do make, fucking follow it. margarine is bullshit. skim milk is bullshit. imitation vanilla extract is bullshit. get yourself down to the store and buy butter, whole milk, and real vanilla extract. your taste buds will thank you
• there’s never a reason to buy buttermilk if you only need a cup. just take 8 oz of that whole milk and add a tablespoon of white vinegar
• set a timer, but don’t trust it. timers lie. keep an eye on your oven, son
• if you’re feeding other people, believe them if they say that have allergies. don’t be an asshole

I’d read a Ron Swanson food blog.