I had a dream last night that Queer Eye went to Starkiller Base and like 90% of it was just Jonathan frantically smearing greenstick on Snoke’s caved-in fucking face and trying to be like “LOOK HONEY THAT LOOKS BETTER RIGHT?” And then Antoni found the bowl of human ashes a la the bag of human teeth and he was like “I need to leave right now bye.”
Plot twist they join the Resistance and appoint themselves Morale Officers. Anyway the Resistance has Cute Boys Who Are Not Violent Racists, and Jonathan has been barred from Leia’s presence because all he can ever manage to say is “YAS QUEEN” around her and then try to touch her hair
Tan spends like two days with Snap helping him feel sexy and confident to dress for his body type. He really thinks that if anyone could carry on the Lando Calrissian Cape Closet tradition, it’s Snap. Snap cries and gifts him his very own reprogrammed bloodthirsty battledroid.
“Rose, why is it so hard for you to see yourself as a hero, too?” Karamo asks. He holds both of her hands very tenderly and makes her say ten things she’s done to help the Resistance. Then he takes her space square dancing on Mon Cala, for some reason, because confidence or something.
Jonathan is brought to tears of joy by Poe’s haircare regimen. “YES, MOISTURIZER! YES, VOLUME! YES, DEFINED CURLS!” He goes through all of Beebee’s compartments and pulls out bottle after bottle of sunscreen and beard oil and cuticle nippers and sobs.
“This is a really interesting space,” Bobby says of the Falcon. “It’s got great old bones, and I want to show those off, not cover them up. But whoever put in a wet bar back in the ‘70s, honey, no. Let’s update that.”
“A great thing to make for the 19 friends trapped on a single Corellian
YT light-freighter with you is space guacamole,” Antoni tells Finn.
Porgs steal all of the space tortilla chips.
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