Aight but who gonna sit here and talk to me about Finn finally meeting his mommas?
#like we all already know who i want his father to be so im gonna leave that for anotehr post#but like he dreams of them first#of a time before the first order#of a time where smiles came easily to him and he didn’t flinch at every loud sound#of cool water at his finger tips and sweet sweet fruit on his tongue#he dreams of them first#dreams of short black hair and large curly hair#dreams of dark brown skin (so very much like his own) and laughter that sounds like bells#dreams of soft hangs and warm hands#of a soft voice singing him to sleep every night#he can never see their faces though#as though it’s blurred out#blocked from his memory#he sits with Leia one afternoon-restless and snappy-until she sits him down and has him tell her what bother him#and it takes a couple of minutes for him to open up (a quiet voice that sounds too much like phasma hisses @ him to be quiet)#but he does-slowly and then it’s like a dams been let loose-he can’t stop talking-spilling his fears and insecurities#to a woman he greatly admires (a woman he considers to be family)#and leia sits him down and tells him about his mothers#and finn asks-voice cut off and terrified-the one question he’s always been afraid to ask ‘are they alive’#leia doesn’t answer but her eyes tell finn everything he knows#he gets up and walks away
I ain’t done.
He hears about them before he sees them (although he’s not exactly sure it’s them. But something tugs at him, insists he check out this intel and Finn does so (after telling Leia, solemn and so vey much like his father, that this is something he has to do.) He gets in good with a couple of cargo pilots that are heading towards that system. Poe wants to come along, eager (so very eager and helpful, it makes Finn’s heart ache), but Leia tells him he has his own mission to do. So Finn goes alone, heart in his throat and a prayer on his lips, he goes to this system.
And at first it seems to look like another outer rim planet, bursting with culture and thriving despite the ever present and very real threat of the First Order on their back. Finn walks as though he’s always been there, easily flowing through the crowd, utilizing every amount of training he’s ever received.
He hears her before he sees her. Her boisterous laugher cuts through the chatter and Finn finds himself jogging, something pulling insistently at his navel, telling him that yes, yes this is what you’ve been searching for.
And he sees them. Standing tall and proud, dark skin gleaming in the bright sun, grins wide and so very much like his own it hurts. He stops, stares, mouth open and pulse roaring in his ears. Watches, frozen in fear? Anticipation? Excitement? As they brush off each others jacket, look down at the men on the floor and walk away.
“Wait!” He shouts and a part of him wishes he could swallow down those words, wishes that he could pluck them out of the air but it’s too late now and they’re looking at him and holy shit–
‘Breathe,’ he reminds himself, forcibly swallowing down his hysteria, ‘just breathe.’
They walk over to him, both looking at him curiously (one slightly more open, the other a little more cautious). And all Finn wants to do is bolt, turn around and run away and act like he never saw them, never felt them.
“Hi,” it’s lame, he knows it’s lame, but his throat is clogged with too many emotions and his heart is fit to burst with so many questions and all Finn can really say is-
“Hello,” the one with shorter hair says, she smiles at him, curious but open and Finn chances a smile back. It’s quiet for a minute, two, the silence stretching out in front of them like an eternity.
“Was there something you needed?” The other asks, squinting. Her afro catches the light and Finn swears he sees tints of red within it.
Yes.
No.
I hope so.
“Do you have somewhere quiet we can talk?” His voice is steady despite the nerves that burn in his veins. It’s silent again as they look at each other, words exchanged with nothing more than a quirked eyebrow and pursed lips. They nod to each other and turn around and start walking, Finn hurrying behind them.
*dust this off* aight then I’m in my feelings.
They sit in silence, neither one of them wanting to be the first to speak. Finn takes the time to stare at them, eyes moving over them desperately. He never takes his eyes off them, as though afraid that if he turned away, if he took his eyes off them, they’d vanish, disappear into the ether.
They sit, the tension surrounding them growing with each passing second. Finn has so many things he wants to say. Words bubble up inside him, filling him to the point where Finn thinks he’d become nothing more than misplaced sounds and phrases.
I can’t believe I found you.
Where have you been?
The one with with shorter hair tilts her hair and smiles. The smile breaks across her face, slow and beautiful; it shines on her face like the slow burgeoning break of dawn.
And Finn can’t help but wonder how exactly he’d come to be with these two.
“Right,” the one with shorter hair says, slightly unsure, as though she too felt something between the three of them. It’s a steady hum, buzzing in the back of Finn’s mind and Finn wonders if it’s too late to leave, too late to walk away and pretend he’d never felt something.
This is what I’ve always wanted.
“I’m Najma,” the one with short hair continues, her smile grows slightly more confident, but her eyes scrutinizes his reaction. “And this is Zaynab.”
Najma. Zaynab. Their names wash over him, like a quiet tide that drags him down to a place of serenity. Finn feels a bit of his tension melt away, pool at his feet and evaporate into thing air.
“I’m Finn,” he says and then, “it’s nice to meet you.” And it is, nice to meet them. Finn feels a part of him settle-an indescribable itch on the back of his throat instantly soothe.
“What is it that you wanted from us, Finn?” And wow, she said his name. She said his name. And Finn can feel a larger piece of his ragged soul quiet, the steady moaning, the gaping maw of loneliess wither away.
You’re here, you’re real. I can’t believe it.
“I don’t know how to begin.”
“The start usually helps.” Najma says, smile growing impish and oh so that’s where he gets it from, and Finn can’t help but grin back.
“You used to have a son.” The change is immediate. Air sucked out the room as tension rises. Something coats the air, frazzled and angry and Finn can’t help but gasp.
“Who told you?” Zaynab says; her voice rips through the silence, angry and terrified and so sad. Finn swallows.
“Your son….he was taken by the First Order.” And the name hangs in the air between them, heavy and rancid and Finn bites down his own scream.
“Who told you this?” Najma hisses, hand tightly gripping Zaynab’s.
“I,” he pauses, takes a look at their terrified expressions. Force, he can practically taste their fear, their anger, their grief. But there’s something else, something hovering around them, unfurling its wings and spreading across Finn’s shoulders.
Hope.
“I know because I’m him,” and Finn can’t help but smile, wobbly and weak though it may be, “I’m him. And I finally found you.”
When he’d been younger he’d always imagined the moment he’d see his parents. The moment where his eyes would lock with theirs and something would rush around them. The moment where he’d hold them in his arms and sink into their embrace with the knowledge that he was home. That he’d found them and he was home.
Finn (who isn’t yet Finn but who doesn’t feel like FN-2187, who doesn’t feel like the stormtrooper they wanted him to be) would always dream of his parents, a distant dream of a dream that leaves him wanting more and more.
He’d look up at the sky, heart heavy in his chest and make one single wish, every single year on the day he’d like to believe is his birthday.
‘Find me. Find me. Find me.’
There’s a moment where it’s just silence, sound stripped from the area between them; a moment where time stops and holds him captive to the absence of sound.
There’s a moment, a heartbreakingly terrifying moment, where time stops and Finn wonders if he’s made a mistake, if he’s said the wrong thing, if he’s opened up wounds he shouldn’t have and made them aware of something they didn’t want to notice.
He’s said it though, voice small but strong, heart pounding in his ears but with a calm he hadn’t before possessed. He’s said it, laid out the truth before their eyes and now….now he waits.
Time stops, a sudden break that has Finn holding his breath and clenching his fists.
Time stops, sound is gone and all that’s left is Finn’s hope, twisting and turning, wrestling with his fear until it extends outward, filling the space between them.
Time stops and Finn looks at his mothers.
Zaynab is the one that moves first, eyes brimming with tears and breath shuddering as sound returns. She moves forward, jaw clenching and unclenching until she’s right in front of him. Finn rises to his feet, slowly and not acknowledging the way his body shudders with fear and hope and grief and I can’t believe I found you.
She stands in front of him, Najma rising behind her, her eyes on him and only him.
“You,” her voice is a fragile thing, teetering on the edge of breaking and Finn swallows, “you’re really-” Her chin trembles and Finn knows there are tears falling down his cheeks, can feel them collect at his chin and fall to the ground between them.
“Yes,” he breathes, voice breaking and heart throbbing, “yes.”
Zaynab pulls him into a hug with a sob and Finn lets himself sink into the feeling, lets himself hold onto his mother, his mother, and fall apart.
Najma wraps her arms around the both of them and Finn sobs.
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