…all too often what [forgiveness] means is that someone who was victimized or harmed in a profound way is encouraged to paper over their pain, offer unearned absolution, and perform happiness. You can love your mother, accept her flaws and limitations, acknowledge the ways in which she failed you, experience periodic anger and resentment, all while remaining in her life and seeing her as a complex, multifaceted person. Your only “job” with regards to your own childhood is to attempt to view it as accurately and as honestly as possible, and to take care of yourself in the present. You do not have to forgive your mother, nor do you have to pretend that your childhood was fine just because she does.